Loneliness or friendlessness
We as humans all have times of feeling alone, or potentially when we want to be alone.
Being alone can be good for the soul, and being able to be alone is exceptionally good for the soul.
Time spent alone:
- Reading
- Surfing
- Walking
- Holidaying
- Dining
- Watching something
Do you have a favourite way to spend time alone, or are you someone who struggles to be alone?
However, there are three types of loneliness.
- Intimate
- Social
- Collective
Intimate or a sense of emotional loneliness can be present if you do not have a partner or someone with who you can share your private feelings. Many people who are in an intimate relationship can still feel loneliness.
Social loneliness is a need to have friendships or social relationships. Friends that you can spend time with and enjoy this time together. Remember that people may have hundreds of friends but still be incredibly lonely.
Collective loneliness is the longing to be a part of a group of like-minded people. This may be playing a team sport, being a part of a club, or any other network group/collective.
Any one of these things can lead you to feel loneliness or friendlessness.
Remember that we can be in this position through the absence of connection, not the absence of people.
How long have you been lonely?
Feelings of loneliness can be transient, situational or chronic.
Perhaps you have moved to a new area and are yet to make friends. Friendlessness can leave you wanting to meet new people, which can take time in a new environment.
You are at a party and don't know anyone. None of your friends are there yet or won't be there, and you must try to talk to new people.
Feeling alone at a new job or when your partner leaves for work can become chronic loneliness, and it is chronic when it is present for two or more years. Chronic loneliness can exist even when you appear to have 'many' friends. Or you may have cut yourself off from others, believing you are not worthy or not accepted.
How to fix loneliness
While there are many types of loneliness, the common factor is YOU.
The simple basis for connecting with others is also connecting with ourselves. So often, we try to 'fit in' and be what other people want to see, and we are not authentically ourselves.
Loneliness can exist in the gap between who you are and who you are trying to present to the world.
Presenting something other than who you are, prevents people who care about you from getting too close.
Instead, take the time to understand your worth. If you believe you are worthy of being seen, you will spend less energy trying to be something you are not.
See if you can notice yourself exaggerating your latest win or throwing crap on someone else's success. If you are building a case of why you are better than others, then the simple fact is that you have very low self-worth.
Stop comparing yourself to others and figure out who you are. Social media can give us a false sense of people having more friends than we do or a better life than we do.
Comparison really is the thief of joy
Understand that once people know the REAL you, they will love you.
See your worth and ground yourself. Speak to a counsellor if this is something you cannot do alone, and you will find a more fulfilling and less lonely existence in this world.
How often are you authentically yourself?
Join Medium for unlimited reading for just $5 per month.
If you enjoy reading my content, consider subscribing to my feed or becoming a paid Medium member. It is just $5 per month.
And if you are a coffee lover, why not, shout me one too.
Thank you in advance for the claps and comments; I appreciate every one of them.
Kelly
